The past few days I have felt a protective barrier go up in my mind. I did not put it there on purpose it's just there. I have always had these moments where I ignore the world around me while I hide inside another; usually my world of books. This week, today especially I have felt the need for an escape of my world. Nothing is wrong, there is no crisis or overwhelming issue yet the need is still there. I know it is a defense mechanism, a scar from my childhood, a learned trait that protects my mind from being hurt but as I try to pull myself out I find that I am sad without provocation so it is easier to slip back in. Don't get me wrong, I have still managed to do the daily chores, spend time with the kids & yesterday I helped a friend out with invitations but I am not posting on fb as often, if I do I post then jump right off, I am not returning calls or talking to the people I normally talk to & I am just not feeling like myself. I try to rationalize my thoughts; I know I am worried about Brian but it is something more. I feel weighed down by a dread, a dread that I cannot seem to shake. This dread causes me to take stock in my life which intensifies the feeling of overwhelming anxiety. I have a good life, a happy life, a life I love and therefore I also have so much to lose.
I hope to wake with the weight lifted and a clear mind... but only time will tell. Hopefully writing my feelings and fears down will help to release them.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment