135...

135 years...
75 years for the first charge
15 years for the second
10 years for the third plus 6 years for the enhancement
25 years for the fourth to run consecutively with the first
& finally one year each for four priors.

135 years in prison, that is how long my lil brother will serve.

If you know me you know that I am very big on facing the consequences of your actions, owning your own mistakes and that everyone has a choice in life. I struggle with these now after hearing his sentence. I know the man behind the facade and he really is not a bad guy. Mistaken in the choices he makes yes, but not a menace to society. His choices in life has led him here but what if? What if we had a mother who cared instead of pushing him into her life. What if we had a father who didn't die when he was four years old? What if he wasn't so trusting of the people he calls "friends"? I think that is where him & I become two different statistics. I loved my friends in high school & I love my friends now however I wasn't willing to die for them, or give my life away for them back then nor would I do it for them now. Where he trusts all the wrong people, I trust few and far between because in life everyone has a motive whether they realize it or not.

He could have plead out for twenty years but he would never do that. For one the prison "rules" would guarantee his death if he did and two, he never "tells" on friends. I get the mentality however, his "friends" did not receive the charges he did and they never serve as long as he does. He lives his life with rules and respect for the wrong system but he still is my family, my lil bro, my son's uncle, and he is still the brother that would have done anything for me when we were younger. The brother that had no limits but still could be the sweetest person in the world. That tried to be hard and tough but all he ever wanted was somewhere to belong!
He is still the same person who was placed in this world with unbeatable odds. Family diseases passed down onto him, guilt placed upon him, and a mother who would always use that to her advantage not his. (When I say family disease, I mean that he was diagnosed w/ manic depression when he was younger and I have no doubt that this comes from the egg donor, not to mention the disease of addiction).

That fact that I will never see my brother outside prison walls is slowly beginning to set in, the fact that we have lost him forever has already set in.

We have not talked in awhile because of blame I feel he unfairly placed upon me but I know in retrospect that his words do ring some truth to them. We, him & I, have different view points on the matter. I may have led him in to a life that places him where he is now however I also tried to lead him out of that life. Everyone has a choice and he chose to stay in it. I am sorry though and I will work on mending that relationship before it is too late however I will not take on the responsibility of his choices.

The worst part of all this is my grandma! She loves so unconditionally and fiercly that this new development will break her heart.