Does positive thinking really work or are we just convincing everyone around us it works? We just found out that Brian will be leaving to Afghanistan in a few months and since then I feel like I have been working hard to convince myself and my husband that I am not bitter or angry. I really am not that mad; however I am bitter. Bitter that once again the Marines are changing my plans for the summer, bitter that I will be here alone during the holidays, bitter that I have been moved across the country then left and bitter that once again I am left to worry, stress and feel guilty. I do feel the bitterness fading though! I have changed my Cali plans to Christmas time so that helps w/ my bitterness about this summer and being alone during the holidays. My bitterness about being left behind is fading because I do have a great network, I have Cassie in Va whenever I need to escape NC :) and the time frame he will be gone goes by very fast. With school and the holidays the time does go by quickly! Now the bitterness about being left behind to worry I cannot do anything about! I am a person who worries, some people think I worry WAY too much, but it is not something I can change. Who wouldn't worry? Guilt~ I try to deal with this every time but it is hard! How do you not feel guilty about having a life when your husband is overseas fighting in a war? It is not like I am out ever night at the bars but I still feel guilty. It feels like we are living our life w/ out an important piece. If we do nothing though then we resent him and the time goes slowly, the emotions are more intense and life generally sucks for everyone. My fix for this is to just deal with it as it comes along.
My goal is to not become a negative person :) I do not mean that I can never be negative however I do not want to become negative. I have taken notice this past summer of the negativity that has been swirling around my world and I hate it. Negativity begets more negativity and if you are not careful it begins to consume you. This summer we experienced tragedy, heartache, disappointments and hardships but if you spend a day with my family it does not show. No we are not smiling all the time but we have enjoyed our life and each other and I hope that other people could take stock and realize that life is not that bad. Yes, my husband is leaving but this is his job, our life and we both chose it. If you choose to sit in the negative or have the drama of "woe is me" then you eventually push everyone away and I am choosing not to do that. My kids deserve the best of me while Brian is gone not the worst and they deserve the best of us while Brian is here and I am going to make sure they get it.
Once again thank you for reading my ramblings :) & you tell me does the power of positve thinking really work????
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